One Day I Will
by Edward left me here
Summary: I wish that i had the courage to tell him what i really felt. Maybe if i did things would have turned out very diffrent from the hell pit that i'm stuck in now. OOC AU AxE and BxE.


**Authors Note: **Heyy i'm sorry i couldn't get this out sooner but i was busy with life. You can find pictures for this story on my homepage witch you can find the link to on my profile.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight or any of the charcters no matter how much i want to.

**One Day**

**I**

**Will…**

_**Fifteen years earlier**_

_**Senior year in High School**_

_**May 5**__**th**__**, 1994**_

_"This is the_ day I'm going to tell him." I told myself as I walked down the halls of Forks High. I felt confident and a little less shy than I usually do. Believe me, if I felt even slightly scared today I wouldn't be doing this.

Edward Cullen has been my best friend since ever and I was tired of trying to hide that I wanted to be more that _just friends_. Of course I was worried about his response; I didn't want to ruin our friendship.

It was the end of fourth period and I wanted to tell him before lunch, so that if he took it badly I could skip the rest of the day. That's when I saw him and my best friend Alice coming out of their trig class. I had two best girlfriends, Alice and Rose. We are very different form each other but I think that's why we fit so perfectly.

I heard a booming laugh form somewhere behind me fallowed by a loud groan. I laughed quietly to myself. I see, or rather hear, that Emmet is up to his old tricks again. Emmet McCarty is my brother bear. Well, he's not really my brother but he's close enough. I met Emmet first in the first grade when that jerk Seth made fun of my, don't laugh, pigtails. When I started to cry Emmet came to my rescue. It was kind of a sad day to though, Seth was kind of cute but after Emmet broke his nose there was no going back.

Oh gosh, did I forget to mention that I met Alice that same day too? Well I did, Alice came over to comfort me and gave Seth one heck of a good tongue lashing. Mary Alice Brandon was my source of energy and endless makeover. Most of all she was the person I went to when I wanted to talk about girl stuff.

"Emmet! One day is that too much to ask?" Jasper is always to easiest to frustrate.

Jasper Whitlock was one emotional guy, he moved here in the 7th grade and was constantly being picked on for being to in touch with his feelings. Don't worry though, that hot piece of man is defiantly not gay, just very in touch with his feminine side.

Speaking of feminine here comes Rose, turning heads as usual. Rose could be a super model if she felt like it, but she is more into fixing cars and sports. You would think that would make her more of a tomboy, but just look at what she is wearing right now. A black leather mini skirt with a red chiffon halter top paired with a pair of black ankle boots. Ok, boys you can pick your jaws off the floor now.

Then there was Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, my best friend, secret crush, and the most wanted guy in Forks High. I have known Edward forever, there is not a time I can think of that he hasn't been by my side. Edward's original parents, Elizabeth and Edward Masen Senior, died when he was two in a car accident. Edward moved into his aunt and uncle's house, and took their last name of Cullen. When I asked Edward if he ever misses his parents he simply responds _'You can't miss what you never had.' _I guess that makes sense but if it was me, I would always wonder.

We were going over to that Quad to eat lunch, I had to intercept him before he got there. Right at that moment, though, Edward came bounding over. Guess I didn't have to worry catching up to him without tripping.

"Edward, I have to tell you something." I said quickly, the words coming out more like a mess than anything.

"Okay, what?" Right then Alice rushed up to my side.

"Bella, guess what?" weird how Alice can whisper, scream, and ask a question at the same time.

"What?" I asked excitedly, Alice may be an _Energizer Bunny _but something really good must have happened for her to be this happy.

"Edward asked me out." What? My face slipped out of happy for a split second, then I quickly plastered on a fake smile to make Alice think I was happy for her.

I thought to myself right then, what if it wasn't met to be? I mean he is a Greek god and I am merely a peasant. Although my heart is broken, I know I will Keep on. Somehow.

_**Ten years earlier**_

_**First year after collage**_

_**December 13**__**th**__**, 1999**_

_It has been _five years, since senior year in high school. Five years, since I almost told Edward that I loved him. It doesn't matter now anyway.

As best friends we all decided to all go to the same collage. Since I had my mind set on Dartmouth they all decided to tag along with me.

During the senior prom, Emmet and Rose decided to stop playing their game of cat and mouse and just get together. Jasper moved to the south during the summer and we haven't heard from him ever since, but we hope that he is happy.

Alice and Edward were still going strong. There wasn't much I could do about it, they _love _each other. I haven't been able to tell Edward, yet, and in all honesty I don't think I ever will. Edward and Alice wanted to share a dorm but Carlisle wouldn't let them, all Esme said was 'God is always watching, Edward.' The look on his face was hysterical. I paid for laughing at him later though. I was stuck in the dorm every night listening to how amazing and romantic his dates were, and how I needed to find a guy for myself.

Well now I was one year out of collage, living in a small apartment by myself, and I now have one amazing boyfriend. We have been together for three months, his name is Jacob black.

The problem is that I don't like him the way he likes me, I love him more in the brother way. Jacob was persistent though he asked me to go out with him every day for one month, and I felt bad turning him down day after day. The sad part is that I really do wish that I could return his feelings, and that's what frustrates me so much. Jake has flirted with the idea of proposing, but I think that he knows that I would turn him down.

I see Alice and Edward at least once a week, and it hurts to see how close they have grown.

I think I might try again.

You know….tell him I love him.

I just have to get this off my chest. I love Edward Cullen and there is nothing I can do about that. I need to go for a walk to clear my head. I live in New York City now, Alice just had to live in one of the fashion capitols of the world, I do love it here though.

When you are walking on the street you never feel alone. There I go again, I let my mind wander for too long. That's the problem with Edward not being around all the time, he can't stop me from thinking too much.

Anyway, I need to beak it off with Jacob. I have his heart but he doesn't have mine. Jacob is a great guy, one who deserves someone who can love him back. That's why I asked him to meet me here, in Central Park.

"Hey babe, you said you needed to see me?" He said as he flashed me his award winning smile. God, he was going to make this hard on me.

"Yeah, why don't we sit down. We need to talk" Jake looked at me wearily but took a seat on the bench anyway.

"Bella…wait, I know that the only words that fallow 'We need to talk' are 'I think we should break up.' Or something like that anyway." I felt a flush rise in my cheeks.

"Jake listen…" he wouldn't though, I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't listen.

"It's not you it's me, right?" I looked down. Knowing that if I looked up all I would see is anger. "But it's not just you. It's the way you feel about _him_, your precious _Edward_." I flinched away at the sound of his name.

"Don't put this problem on Edward, Jake, I love you but not in the way that you want me to. I don't think that will ever change for me. I have waited and hoped for three months that something would click or change that maybe I would wake up one morning and wonder what I ever saw in Edward. But it never clicks, nothing's changed, and I never wonder." I say guiltily as the tears stream down my face.

"Well as you wonder on the maybes and what ifs, I'll leave you obviously need some time to yourself." He spat the words out like bad cafeteria food. I watched his feed move away and blend into the crowd, and I knew that wouldn't be the last time that I saw him. I took deep breaths, which sounded like a drowning person reaching for air. I needed to clear my head to just stop thinking for once. I just had to give in to my reckless abandon.

I walked down to 5th avenue the street was busy with the usual rush hour hustle and bustle. The only down side to all the noise was that it didn't go well with my clumsiness. A pushy business woman huffed past me, and in doing so pushed me to the ground. I braced myself for an impact that never came. Instead I felt two strong arms wrap around my waist, and my hands go around the person's neck. I opened my eyes only to find two deep emerald green ones staring back at me.

"Some things never change." Edward chuckled. I wished that he would bend down just a little bit more and touch his lips to mine. Instead he stood me upright and dropped his hands from my waist, giving me no choice but to drop my hands form his neck as well. I sighed at the loss of his touch.

"So where are you headed?"

"No where particular, just wondering around." If he keeps on staring at me like that I wont be able to…"Edward, I need to tell you something!" stop myself from telling him, damn word vomit. Edward look rather surprised by my sudden outburst, but that didn't faze him for long.

"Oh, no wait. I need you opinion on something." Thank god for distractions!

"Sure you know I love to help people, and I'll give you a brutally honest answer."

"Well, I was on my way to dinner with Alice and, well…What do you think?" with that he pulled out a small black velvet box, and I just knew what was about to happen. Edward opened the box and revealed a dazzling diamond ring that had to be at least like seven karats and could blind someone. There was only one word that suited the ring ostentatious. It was perfect for Alice.

"Its perfect, she'll love it." And I knew it was true, just like Alice the ring could blind someone with its brilliance. "Well I have to get going, but I'll see you later. Oh, and good luck!" thank god I was off the hook.

"Wait what did you want to tell me?" Or I could still be on the hook.

"Nothing it doesn't matter any more." I said trying to be sincere and to not let him see through my façade.

"Oh, ok well, I'll see you around." I turned around and walked away. I wasn't going to let him see me cry. We weren't met to be. We weren't met to be. We weren't met to be.

At least that's what I had to keep telling myself. For my own sanity I wished I could finally believe those words.

_**Five years earlier**_

_**Three years after the wedding**_

_**September 23, 2004**_

_Edward proposed to _Alice, and of course Alice said yes. I got a call the very next morning.

_6:00 A.M. read the time on my cell phone, right when it started ringing._

'_**Baby come back to me'**_

'_**In my heart I still believe'**_

'_**That we were met to be'**_

'_**Together so whatever it takes'**_

_Someone please stop the ringing!_

_"Hey Edward what's with the early wake up call?" I said as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes._

_"Bella, this is Alice you silly girl." I was going to kill Alice._

_"Oh…hey Alice, wait first, I am a grown woman and not a girl. Second why are you calling on Edward's cell phone, and third who in gods name wakes up and calls someone at 6:00 A.M. in the morning?" somewhere in the back of my head I already knew the answers to my questions, but it was still too early for my brain to function correctly._

_"Someone who just happens to have become engaged!" Alice squealed! I should have known._

_"That's great Alice, so do you like the ring?" I could hear her already. 'Yes Bella of course I love it!' so not!_

_"Yes Bella of course I love it." And we used to think that Alice was the physic one of the group._

_"So anyway I wanted to call to see if you would like to be my maid of honor?" could I really say no to my best friend? I mean what's the worst that could happen?_

_"Yes Alice I would love to be your maid of honor." What had I just gotten myself into?_

_"Good, we have so much to do. First we have to go to the florist and…" she broke off into a fit of giggles._

_"Edward you jerk, stop that!" must they really tear my precious heart into pieces?_

_"Come back to bed." I heard Edward say in the background._

_"Sorry Bells, I have to go." I heard the phone disconnect and I looked up to the sky, as if I was asking god what I had ever done to deserve this torment._

They planned the wedding for two years and ended up having it back home. It was by far the most extravagant wedding the town had seen by far. Most people don't know how hard those two years were for me. I not only had to watch the man I love get married, but I had to help and be a part of it too. I grinned and bared it for two years. Then I want home to my empty, lonely apartment and cried until I couldn't cry another tear. Jake tried to help me, but the truth is that I can't be saved. I don't think I want to be saved from this very masochistic torment.

The years passed in slow dragging lulls. Alice and Edward had been married happily, I guess, for three years now. Alice calls almost every day, and every time it feels like someone rips my heart out, only to roughly put it back in and patch me up again. It got so bad that I had to move out of the city, I did that two years ago.

Now I live in New Haven, Connecticut. I haven't heard form them for three months. The funny thing is that I still wonder what's going on with them. If I had to be honest with myself, moving didn't help me at all. I thought that if I got away from the city I would stop caring, and that the move could only make the pain lessen. It didn't. sometimes I will be walking down the street and think that I see a flash of bronze hair, but it's only a stranger passing by sometimes I will see someone wearing a shirt that has the same emerald green color as his eyes.

I can't escape him. I can't escape this pain. Just like I can't stop the painful memories that come bursting through the flood gates, just like my tears. In some ways my mind is still in high school. I still imagine what my life would have been like if it had been me Edward choose, and not my best friend. It was that moment that I knew I couldn't ignore him any more. I needed to see him. I needed air to breath, food to live, and a heart to love. Even if that heart is broken.

I jumped into my blue Audi coop, and drove the long two hour drive up to the city. You know you've reached the city when you see the George Washington bridge. I used to go out onto the viewing point when I was in need of advice or just needed to think. I was there when Edward proposed to Alice. I was there when I decided it was time to move.

I pulled into one of the many parking garages and took the time ticket that it spit out at me. I got out of my car and locked it. When I got out onto the street I took a deep breath. It smelled like home. Like smoke, and hot dogs, and pretzels. Like home, where my heart is. Well close to where my heart is anyway, someone else has had it since the moment I laid eyes on him.

I made my way up to Alice and Edward's fancy stoop, into their fancy apartment building on the top friggen' floor. Yes I was spiteful that they lived in the upper east side and had everything that anyone could ever want. I rang the buzzer.

"Hello? Who is this?" the voice sounded like bells and gave me a reason to live again.

"Hey Edward its Bella." There was a pause on the other side, then I heard the door click open. I walked in slowly taking in the décor that looked like a page out of _'Better Homes and Gardens'_ and less like the entrance to an apartment building. I pushed the up button to the elevator, and it appeared right away. I stepped in and pushed the number fifty-eight penthouse and the elevator started…um, elevating?

I reached the top floor only to have something attack me. That something happened to have gorgeous bronze hair, deep mossy emerald green eyes, and a dazzling smile. I was pulled out of the elevator and into a huge hug. I reveled in his warmth and breathed in his sent. I forgot how much I loved his hugs and how much I missed him. I breathed him in, Edward, he could only ever smell like Edward. Edward didn't have a musky sent of even a sweet one, but one that was just purely him.

"Why did you stop talking to us?" I was knocked out of my trace wit those words. I wasn't Edward's _wife_ I was just his _best friend_. God how I have learned to hate those two words.

"I just needed some time to think."

"Well next time could you think here instead of totally ignoring us. Alice thought you were kidnapped by terrorists. I had to hide all the phones to keep her from calling the FBI, and then I had to lock up all of the knives to keep her from coming after you and killing anyone who might be a _'threat'_." By the end of his speech we were both rolling around on the floor doubled over laughing, on the plush white carpet.

"Only Alice." We both said together. It was true only Alice was such a loyal friend, I can remember a time when she did something that could hurt her to help me.

_I always knew that the first year of high school was never easy but, I never thought that I would have to face down my old demons. Its Lauren of course, a part of me wonders if she will ever stop. This little feud that was going on between us has been going on since the second grade, when I beat her out for class representative. Back in second grade it was stupid stuff that would be forgotten the next day, but now it was getting personal. Lauren told the whole class that I was a whore and would sleep with anyone, then she continued to list off half the basketball team and a quarter of the football team saying that I slept with them all._

_I was so embarrassed, it was all I could do to stop myself for bursting out into tears on the spot. I ran out into the hallway and saw Alice, she was closing her locker and on her way to her class when she saw me. I ran over to her and fell apart in her arms. The bell rang signaling the end of the period, and a crowd began to gather around me. Alice quickly rushed me into the bathroom, and locked the door. We were never supposed to lock the door. Alice just stood there rubbing my back and holding me telling me "Everything will be alright." I took a few sip of water and tried to calm myself down._

_"Bella, what happened?" Alice asked softly as if the word alone could break me. I told her about Lauren, about all of it, I had kept this problem a secret long enough. After I finished my story, I saw a look or fire in Alice's eyes. It was one scary sight one that made me realize that I should be very grateful that I am Alice's friend and not her enemy. The look in Alice's eyes softened as she told me "Don't worry Bella, she'll get what's coming to her." I believed Alice the look in her eyes and the malice in her voice convinced me of that._

_Alice was right Lauren did get what was coming to her. The next day Lauren came into first period with a hat on her head, hats were against school dress code, we all knew that. Too bad for Lauren too, Mr. Banner is a by the book guy. Speak of the devil, here he comes breezing in on the coattails of the last bell._

_"Ms. Mallory will you please take off your hat." I could see the pain in her face, must be a really bad hair day._

_"But…." I could see that she was trying to come up with and excuse, excuses don't work with Mr. Banner._

_"Now, please Ms. Mallory." Mr. Banner said in a stern tone that left no room for doubt, it was either the hat or the principle's office. I saw her hand slowly rise up and reach for the hat, it was all in slow motion. I could even see something that was on her hand, it said 'that's what you get for messing with my friends. Consider yourself warned.' It was Alice's hand writing, I would know it anywhere. What did she do? Lauren started to pull the hat off, then it hit me. The hat was pulled completely off and I could see what Alice did. She gave Lauren a little hair cut, it made Lauren look like a boy. In my mind it was just hair so I didn't feel guilty what so ever._

That was the day that I realized that Alice would really do anything for me. She was down for anything, and my partner in crime to death. We used to say that one day Alice would end up in jail, and I would be in the cell next to her laughing my ass of saying 'Did you see their faces?'. I smile, those were the days free of complications and love. Alice…I wonder where she now? Probably at her design company 'Originally Alice', helping one fashion victim at a time. Too bad she could never fix my fashion problems.

I looked back at Edward still coming down from his high of having a good laughing fit. I looked into his deep emerald green eyes and remembered all the reasons why I loved him. No, _love _him.

"Hey do you want anything?" 'yes could I have you to go please? Thanks doll,' Right!

"Um, yeah do you have any lemonade?"

"Yes we do, its Jasper's recipe it's like he always used to say 'The best lemonade it make in the county ain't any competition.' I miss him, but hey I heard he's doing good, got his own restaurant called 'Smooth Jazz'." I nodded I hadn't thought about jasper in awhile but every now and the he slips in, and I wonder. "Well I'll be back in a second with you drink, you know where the bathroom it if you need it." then he turned and walked into the kitchen.

I have to tell him, I have no choice. Why does this happen to me, I think I'm finally free of him then all of a sudden I have to tell him again. But I just can't stand to keep this secret anymore, if I keep holding this in I might combust. What do I look like? I mean I never really cared before but then again now I'm pushing thirty and I won't be young and pretty forever.

I rushed into the beautiful bathroom, normally I would stop to take it all in, but then again my mind isn't usually racing this fast. I turned on the faucet and the water came out burning hot, I didn't care. I splashed some water on my face, and looked at my self in the mirror and asked myself once again if I was ready to do this? Yes. Then I promised my self that this would be the last time, no matter what. Hey you never know maybe third time's a charm. I wiped my face and hands off with a paper towel.

I was about to throw it away and face my fate outside, when I noticed something in the trash. It was a box for a pregnancy test, and in it was the used test. I was scared to look, but I knew I had to. I flipped the test upwards, and saw that little pink plus sign. Alice was pregnant.

What was I going to do now? I still have to tell him. I mean, I was tired of keeping it in. This stupid secret that was just killing me on the inside. I opened the door to the bathroom and walked into the living room. Edward was setting down a tray that had two glasses with ice and a pitcher of the world famous Whitlock country lemonade. I sat down scared that if I stood I would just collapse onto the floor.

"Hey Edward I need to tell you something." He looked at me strangely, as if I was a creature form another planet.

"Ok shoot." I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to speak the words I have been waiting so long to say, the word that my body was dieing to say. That was until the elevator dinged. Edward and I both turned our heads to see who is was. Alice of course looking stunning as ever in her black wrap dress.

"Bella!" Oh no I have been spotted! I could have run but I probably would have tripped, plus Alice was always the faster runner out of the two of us. I was pulled into a too tight hug.

"Alice I can't breathe!" Alice let me go I drew in a long breath and felt the rush of my blood going into my brain.

"I'm pregnant!" she yelled. I pushed out one grand smile, I even jumped up and down with her! The whole time, though, all I could think about was how wrong I had been about Edward and I. I looked at Alice, she was positively glowing. Who was I to even think to try to take that away form her.

"Alice that is so great, but I have to be getting home." If I stayed here any longer I might let my true feelings show, and Alice said I couldn't act.

"Oh but you have to stay and celebrate with us!" Don't make this harder on me please!

"I have to go I have to give a lecture on early English writers in the morning." It wasn't a total lie. I did have to give a lecture, it was just later in the day. I quickly walked to the elevator and pushed the down button. "I have to go over the lesson plans and everything." The doors dinged open and I hastily stepped inside and pressed the L button.

"Well, I'll call you later!" Alice yelled just before the doors closed completely. the elevator started to descend and so did my mood. I can never top loving him, no matter how hard I try. Then I felt ashamed of myself, I had no right to corrupt the love and happiness Edward and Alice had created together. But I still know that one day I will tell him.

_**Present Day**_

_**Four years after the twins**_

_**August 1**__**st**__**, 2009**_

Alice had twins. One girl and one boy. Megan and Nathaniel or Nate for short. Megan had Alice's dark hair and Edward's emerald green eyes. Megan was going to be popular with the boys that's for sure, just like her mother was. Nate was more like Edward though. Constantly messy bronze hair, high cheek bones, and a strong stubborn chin. Nate's eyes were neither Alice's or Edward's color, they were a deep brown almost like mine. I could barely look at Nate sometimes, he looked more like my child than Alice's, it reminds me too much of what could have been.

Alice wanted me to be therefore every step of the pregnancy. I turned her down with my excuse of my new teaching job. After the wedding fiasco, well, let's just say I couldn't take another long and agonizing ripping of my heart. Rose was called in from Florida. I always knew I could be replaced, but I didn't think that it would be that easy. When Rose was with Alice she kept several journals about the pregnancy and what it was like. After the twins were born rose typed up the journals and sent it to several publishing companies. One out of the seven companies liked her book. Six months later she was the author of the world wide best seller _'The Baby Diaries'_

It seemed like all of my friends were going somewhere in life and I was forever stuck on pause. No guy in my life but I think that that's a good thing. The only guy I wish was still here was my dad. I still remember how it happened.

_They told me he went in his sleep. Peacefully. Painless. Relatively happy, but that was my dad. Daddy always said that no matter how much we may want to we can't live forever, and he knew he had a time, and when that time came he would take it calmly. He was sixty-two. I was scared not quite knowing what to do next. _

_I set up the funeral. Made the eulogy, went through the motions trying to feel as little as possible. The funeral was beautiful and just perfect for Charlie. Small and only close friends were invited. Al8ice and Edward were by my side the whole time, scared that I would fall apart if they didn't hold me together. When I stood up to give the eulogy I was scared out of my mind. I faced the crowd and saw the faces of everyone we knew expecting something beautiful, poetic, and wonderful. I fainted and the world went black. Edward and Alice were right I would fall apart without them._

Charlie died of cancer seven years ago, to this day I still make it a habit to visit his grave at least once a year. I used to love Christmas but that changes after Charlie died and after the year I got the Holiday Greetings card from Jake. I loved Jake and after losing him is felt like my heart was now broken in two places.

_Christmas time again, families, friends, and love. But not for me. I lost all of my family and I could bear to see my friends at the moment. I walked down my driveway to my mailbox, I saw my friend Embry pass by with his dog. I waved hello._

_"Hey Bella, what's up with you?" I always loved talking to Embry, he was just so real and down to earth it was hard to resist talking to him. _

_"Not much just getting my mail, how's your Christmas going?" I saw a weird look cross his face._

_"Well its going great, the Christmas tree is up and the stockings are being hung as we speak. I know its great right?" I gave him a weird look, I think he knows how crazy he is acting. "Bella, I'm Jewish." Well that would explain a few things._

_"Oh, Jesus! Sorry, I didn't mean…" He put a hand over my mouth._

_"Bella, Bella seriously its no problem. I never told you so how are you supposed to know?" stupid, stupid, stupid!_

_"Well now that I have my mail I have to go, um…I'll see you later." I practically ran back into my house. It's sad to say but that happens a lot. I rifled through my mail and dropped one of the cards on the floor. I picked it up it was form Jake. The cover had a picture of Jake and another woman. I opened the card and read the inscription._

"_Dear Bella,_

_I Hope that this letter finds you well. I just wanted to tell you that I got married to Leah. Not to rub it in your face, I know you have had to deal with enough of that. I just wanted to show you that it is possible to move on after loving someone and having your heart broken._

_Love, Jake_

_Maybe he was right buy somehow I knew it was different for me._

The urgent shrill ring of the phone brought me back from my walk through time. I walked over to the phone the caller ID said Mercy Hospital, it was Edward's old hospital.

"Hello?" I wonder what they could want

"Is this Isabella Swan?" I began to get nervous

"This is she" I replied in a robotic tone.

"We need you to come to the hospital right away your brother, Edward has been in an accident, we can't tell you anymore until you get here." Right now I remember Edward out me as his sister on his emergency contact list and I put him as my brother on mine, we said just incase something happened we we would be the first to know about it.

"Oh my god! Uh, um ok, ok I'll be right there." I grabbed my purse and keys off the counter top and jumped into my Audi coop. I didn't have time to think just to act. Just to be there for Edward. I speed down the freeway, trying not to feel because if I did I wouldn't be able to complete the car drive. Time didn't seem to matter anymore, the was only Edward, the road, and my need to get to him.

I pulled into the hospital parking lot and ran towards the entrance to the hospital. I almost got ran over by an ambulance on my way there. I came into the hospital and ran towards the emergency waiting room. I walked up to the nurse at the desk, who just so happened to be on the phone.

"What is Edward Cullen's room number?" I asked hastily. The nurse's only response was to hold one of her sausage fingers in front of my face. Now I am not usually a violent person but this was an emergency. I grabbed the phone out of the nurse's hand. "Yeah hello? Um…" I looked at the nurse's name tag. "yeah 'Tanya' is going to have to call you back!"

"God! Rude much?" this little skanky bitch by the stripper name of 'Tanya' was starting to get under my skin.

"Just tell me what room Edward Cullen is in." I said with a tight voice and a clenched jaw.

"Room three oh two." Said a voice from behind me. "I'll take you there." The voice came from a Dr. Lee Smith. I fallowed him down the hallway as he chatted about the weather and other pointless things like that. My head was still buzzing from the phone call I received nearly three hours ago. The doctor stopped once we reached his door. I desperately wanted to run in and see how he was, but I knew it didn't work like that.

"Listen, before you go in there you need to know a some things." The doctor had piqued my interest. "Mr. Cullen is going to die, he ate a poisonous fish. We tried to pump his stomach but it was too late the toxin had already started to attack his immune system. As far as we know he only has little under and hour left." I stared at him blankly not quite knowing what to say and not quite understanding completely what Dr. Lee Smith had just said. "Just be careful with what you say around him." The doctor left, and it hit me, and my stomach couldn't take it. I ran to the bathroom down the hall and found an empty stall.

After I was finished I got up off the floor and went to the sink to wash my face and mouth out. I looked at myself in the mirror, you know how you see women on TV after they find out their husbands are dieing and look like hell? Yeah, well multiply that by ten and that's how I looked.

I slowly walked out of the bathroom and back down the hall and stopped just outside of Edward's room. I looked at the pale pink door as the numbers three zero two stared back at me. I took a deep breath and took a hold of the silver handle of the door walked in. I looked down at Edward laying in his cot and thought to myself 'Wow he even is beautiful when facing death.' I saw Edward's eyes flicker and then open. Edward's deep emerald green bore back into my brown ones.

"Hey" I spoke nervously and could hear the waver in my voice. I approached the bed and only after I was sure it was okay I sat on the edge of his bed, I was sure I looked like hell.

"I know what's happening." Edward said "I knew from the moment everyone in the hospital became emotionally detached from me." I stared at him dumbfounded how could he be so confident when faced with death? "You better not be here to feed me some BS line that it will all get better, because I know very well that I will die, that I am dieing."

I nodded not quite knowing what to say so I just sat there acting like an idiot.

"I wanted to let you know something before I die Bella." I swallowed hard at those words _'Before I die'_. I was scared I won't lie, but that look of utter seriousness on Edward's face calmed me down. "I love you Bella." My breath caught in my throat, I had no reply for that. It was good that he wasn't looking for one. "I think I have loved you since our mothers met in Lamaze class. I love Alice but more in the way of a really good friend who ended up with me by chance. Some part of me knew that she felt the same way, but we had to keep up appearances."

That wasn't like Alice she always believed in true love, no exceptions what so ever.

"Do you remember that day in third grade when Newton kissed you?" I nodded. Newton could not kiss. At all. God after that I had to go to the girl's bathroom and wash my mouth out. "Do you remember how weird I was acting that day?" I nodded, yes I remembered. I ran into the bathroom that afternoon because Edward wouldn't talk to me and had a mad look on his face all day. The girl's bathroom became one of my best friends. I went home that day and begged my parents to be home schooled. "That was the day that I realized that I loved you. That I love you!" I stared at him with disbelief on my face.

"I know you don't believe me, and that's the most fucked up part of this. Maybe if I had told you this sooner it would be easier to believe." I swallowed hard, the three words I had always wanted to hear from him he had finally said, so why am I so sad? "Not only that but every time you would say 'Edward I have to tell you something' I thought you felt the same way too. You have always been the braver one out of us." The flow of tears wouldn't stop, why? Why had he kept this from me for so long?

I felt the need to punch the wall until my knuckles bleed and then weep in his arms for hours. But, we didn't have hours we had minutes, moments in time at best. I grabbed a hold of his hand and squeezed it tight. It felt like Edward was my only anchor to something, anything real. I looked him in the eyes.

"No never. You were the brave one. Even when facing death and telling me…you were just always braver." I looked at him again, eyelids fluttering fighting for the last few moments of consciousness. I felt him squeeze my hand bringing my attention back to him.

"Stay with me please, you may think I'm braver but I don't want to be alone. Will you wait for me?"

"Don't worry I'll stay, I promise. I've never stopped waiting Edward what do you think will make me stop now?" He smiled that crooked smile that I love one last time and his eyelids fluttered closed. Breath slowed down , heart beat stops, alarm goes off. Four small words I have been waiting my whole life to say.

"I love you too."

_**Heaven**_

_**Sometime in infinity**_

_I stood outside _of the gates of heaven wondering if he waited for me inside. I had waited all these years, watched all of my friends move on with their lives. I wanted to tell him about his children and what happened to them. What happen to Alice. What happened with, well…everyone. I saw a figure bathed in sunlight slowly walk towards me. I saw the same pair of emerald green eyes that I hadn't seen for the last forty three years, but how could I ever forget them. I saw a flash of a smile as the figure came closer to me. I love heaven, when you come here your outward appearance reflects your heart so I looked about twenty-three, pretty good for a seventy-seven year old. Edward stopped in front of me.

"I've been waiting for you." He flashed that crooked smile that I loved, Edward looked about twenty-two and handsome as ever.

"I'm sorry I kept you waiting, but I had some business to finish up."

"The good thing is that you're here now and you kept your promise."

"Forever." I said

"Forever."

Author's Note

During the time I spent with Bella and Edward, I was going through some life things myself. Edward and Bella taught me that time moves too fast and life just doesn't last. It's hard to say what I really wanted to get out of writing this. This story took me on a path I never expected, and I definitely never expected that the story would take me this long to write.

During the writing of this story I never intended to kill Edward. Many people can argue that I knew I was going to kill Edward, but really, that's just where the story took me.

When I started writing this story I was going through a time where I felt so alone. My sister (you know who you are) has been going through a hard time and I felt a lot of her anger, hurt, and stress. Whenever I tried to talk to her about something she snapped at me. My family was too busy with my brother going to collage to really listen to what I had to say. And my friends had their own problems to deal with, I felt so alone. So I thought I'm tires of being alone Bella will join me. So I started a story about a girl who was constantly alone, but longing not to be.

Listen here's the bottom line, from what I've learned in all the years of my life it's that time matters. Life goes by fast, with or without you. You know you never want to live with any regrets, because regrets are never fun. I made sure that Bella has that feeling of waking up and saying "I wish I had told him…" or "What if I had told him…"Just live with no regrets. Live everyday like it's you last, because for all you know it might be.

**The**

**Beginning**


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